Holy crap, there’s a baby in there

I had my 8 week appointment this week and I prepared for it by taking the rest of the day off of work after the appointment. I have been feeling so negative and pessimistic, I was SURE I was going to get bad news. When the doctor showed me the screen I’m pretty sure I wasn’t breathing, but this is what I saw: 


You can clearly see the heart beat and it was a strong 169 beats per minute. SO HAPPY. 

Since I had the rest of the day off Mr Z and I decided to go to lunch and watch a movie for the first time since Isabel was born. We never use a baby sitter and we have no family around, so we’re always with her. It was so nice to have her safe with her nanny while we spent some quality time together. 

This pregnancy is kicking my ass already. I feel SO different from my last pregnancy. I’m always feeling crappy. Not nauseous, but just an overall feeling of yuckiness. If I don’t eat something every few hours I start to feel sick. I’m always tired and am asleep early every night and nap if possible if I’m home during the day. I feel very bloated and my pants are already starting to feel tight. It makes me upset because I remember how great I felt during my last pregnancy. I’m hoping that this feeling is temporary and that soon I’ll start to feel better. Or at least good enough to exercise because that will help me feel better all around. 

Advertisements

6 weeks 4 days

I went for my first ultrasound yesterday. I was terrified. I had to bring my daughter with me because it was my day off of work so I don’t have childcare on those days. I felt so awkward bringing her to the RE’s office. I asked them and they told me that it was totally fine, but I’ve never seen another child there before. She’s a product of my doctors amazing work so maybe I gave some woman a little bit of hope. I just didn’t want to cause anyone any heartache by having her there. 

Anyway, baby is doing extraordinarily well. Doc says he couldn’t have hoped for anything better. We saw the heartbeat and heard the little soft whomp whomp whomp which made my own heart skip a beat. The rate was around 122 bpm. Here’s baby’s first photo:

I go back in two weeks to check on the progress. I’m trying to remain as hopeful as possible. 

The second two week wait

I think I commented before about this time period. After you wait for what seems like ever to get a positive pregnancy test you then have to wait two to three weeks before you find out if there really is a tiny being or two growing inside you and if they have a heartbeat. This wait is rough because it’s completely out of your hands. I can’t test or do anything diy to see inside my uterus… Maybe that’s a good thing, because that’d be weird… 

I had my progesterone level checked last week and it came back as 11 which apparently isn’t very high. I’m not bleeding at all (I don’t think… More on that in a minute…) do the nurse wasn’t concerned. But my RE changed my progesterone in oil injection dose from 1.5 mL every other day to 1 mL every day. It’s the same amount, just distributed differently. I go back to check it again next Thursday, so I’ll see if it had any effect. 

I’m feeling generally ok to crappy on a regular basis. My lower back hurts pretty much all the time and my stomach feels weird always. Weird as in sometimes it just has a bit of cramping, but mostly it’s a constant feeling of being bloated. I have to pee all the time, I feel tired and nap whenever possible and sleep early every night. Another thing is that my butt is itchy from the progesterone shots and my belly is covered in polka dot bruises from the Lovenox. I’m feeling like a mess lately and I’m just trying to stay positive and hope that this is all worth it. Lastly, i am SO OVER these disgusting progesterone suppositories. Sticking one of these red gel coated pills up my vag three times a day just to have them slowly leak out all day is disgusting. It feels gross and it looks gross. Can I say again that they’re coated in a red gel… Red.. Whoever made these pills is the devil because the very last thing any infertile girl needs leaking out of her vagina is red goo… Is this blood? Is it the pill? Wtf?!? End rant. 

I’m 5 weeks and 3 days today on the 4th of July. Happy Independence Day everyone. 

2nd beta is in

So I had my second beta come in at 433 and my progesterone level is 11. I am 11 dp5dt. It’s a doubling time of about 43 hours. I am pregnant. It seems surreal that it would be this easy this time since previously everything went so wrong. 

I’m feeling good. No pregnancy symptoms to note. I pee more than usual and my upper butt is sore all the time from the progesterone in oil shots. And I started my Lovenox shots last night. I’ve been having a bad feeling that something is going to go wrong so I decided to start the dreaded Lovenox to hopefully tip all of the scales in my favor. I’ve only done one and that spot is still sore so they are still as awful as I remember them. 

Anyway, I’m going to bed tonight feeling positive. 

Cautiously optimistic

Very early this morning I woke up with a violent leg cramp. I had these all through my last pregnancy and they are the worst. I’m usually in tears, frozen, trying not to move and hoping the cramp passes quickly. So, since I was awake I decided to get up and pee. And since I had to pee, I figured why not just pee on a stick while I was there. Logical right??

Anyway, here’s what I saw:


It took several minutes to show up and it is still a faint line. But it is THERE. And I’ll take it. It’s enough to keep me holding on to hope until my beta on Friday morning. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m sure I’ll test again (more than once) between now and then. 

And then…

This happened. I needed to check again to  drive myself more crazy. This is tonight at 5dp5dt right before getting into bed. I SEE a line. Barely. But it’s there. I don’t know whether I should go to sleep feeling calm and comforted knowing that there’s a line or if I should be terrified that when I wake up there won’t be a line… I HATE HATE HATE this. It just reminds me of my last pregnancy. I had a great pregnancy, no issues to speak of. I loved being pregnant. But I never let my guard down, I was always just waiting for something bad to happen. I’ll sleep now, wishing and hoping for reassurance in the morning.